“Dear Hottie Next Door, I'm going to try my best and sound the least creepy I can here. Pleas…”

Dear Hottie Next Door, I'm going to try my best and sound the least creepy I can here. Please read this with an open mind. I think you are drop-dead sexy! I know you're married and that's why I don't have the guts to say this in person. I hear you and your partner fighting pretty much every day. I can see how defeated and sad you look when you leave for work and notice how you spend extra time playing on your phone when you come home. I'm not stalking you, but I sit on my balcony smoking and feel sad for you. The way you treat your daughter melts my heart! There is nothing more attractive than a good dad! I want to be a parent myself someday. I hope this isn't too forward, but I would love to go to the beach sometime with you and your daughter or even someplace more casual like our community pool. I want to get to know you better. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about what it would be like for us if you didn't have that wedding ring on. Everything about you is just so hot. You carry all the groceries in on one trip. That's impressive! When you see me outside and say hello, I spend the rest of the night hoping I'll run into you again. There is someone out there who thinks you're amazing! You are totally my type. You're tall & I love your muscles. I love your dark skin and your wild hair. If you are interested in starting something between us, we could keep it a secret for now. I'm not a homewrecker and would never want to break up a family. It's obvious you're miserable, though. Remember that nasty note someone left on your wife's laundry in our laundry room? That was me. She left her clothes in the washer and it made me angry. She's so lazy and you work so hard. She should at least tend to the house work. I would make you dimmer every night and do things to you I'm sure your wife has no interest in. I'm a great cook and would never be so lazy or spend your money getting food delivered five nights a week. When I see the pizza guy outside I just want to go over to your place with a homemade lasagna. You deserve better & I know I could be the one to make you smile. Let's hang out and get to know each other better. You have your whole life ahead of you & you're wasting it on the wrong person. Take a chance and knock on my door. Xoxo Love, Soon To Be Yours (I HOPE) ♡