“To my friend, I have always been a loner in my life. Most people around me do not recognize …”

To my friend, I have always been a loner in my life. Most people around me do not recognize it but I always feel like I never fit in anywhere. I've never felt an interpersonal relationship with my friends. My girlfriend is kind and understanding but there is a gaping hole inside me that yearns for something more. When I was young, I thought that things would change once I grew up. That, now in retrospect seems like a mistake. I was good and happy when I was a small child. I remember having no inhibitions and being joyful. Now I'm consumed with the fear of rejection and embarrassment. Maybe something went wrong when I was a teenager. I am not entirely sure. The funny thing is that I do have a lot of friends, I have a girlfriend, a loving family. Yet. I feel alone. Although I'm struggling with all these things, I try to be better constantly and am at war with myself. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard I am not sure maybe I need to be happy with who I am. Lovingly, Your friend.