“When I Was Very Young, I used to like girls. This started in third grade. I didn’t realize this…”

When I Was Very Young, I used to like girls. This started in third grade. I didn’t realize this until later though. At first, I just wanted to be good friends. So I had “best friends”. I would write letters to them telling them how awesome I thought they were. If you really think about it those letters could’ve been similar to kids' love letters only I didn’t realize it yet. As the years went on it was hard for me to have friendships with girls because I was unsure of what I was feeling and I knew that being a lesbian was looked down upon by everyone I knew, especially my mom and older sister who always made it clear that lesbians were disgusting. So as I grew into my teenage years, I had no friends, females or males, but I did get a lot of attention from males so I started kissing them all and dating them all. I just dated over 100 boys in school, I say 100 because I tried to make a list one day and it was very long and I had forgotten some of the boys I kissed so I just rounded it up to 100. My junior year was the first time a lesbian approached me wanting to try things out with me but I declined because she was not good looking and I was not attracted to her. I graduated and moved to another state where I planned to be myself and maybe hit on a girl for once. But I could never do it and I ended up having sex with a few dudes and ended up pregnant. Shortly after I married the father of my son. I was very unhappy in the marriage. I left my husband and moved with my son back to my original hometown in Texas. Once there, I turned out to be extremely promiscuous. I had sex with a ton of people. All men, unfortunately. Until I got into a relationship with an alcoholic male and ended up pregnant for the second time. I had my second son and after that, I started to drink and party. I ended up at a club and made out with a girl on the dance floor. She let me grab her breasts, it was nice. After that, I kissed another girl and I took her to the bathroom. After that, I continued to party and hook up with girls. One night out I met some girls and I took them both home and had a threesome. My male partner at the time walked in on me. I knew right then and there that our relationship was over. Unfortunately, I continued to be very promiscuous and messed with many married men which I kind of regret. The point is I am a lesbian living a straight life. And I have not been able to come out and admit it because everyone around me hates lesbians. I am currently in a relationship with a guy now. But I know one day I will escape and I am going to be the lesbian I was meant to be even if my family disowns me.