“To the Man I Love, I don't know why it is so hard for us to speak. But we have to speak. We have…”

To the Man I Love, I don't know why it is so hard for us to speak. But we have to speak. We have to fix these problems we have because if not, it will be the end of us. I know this and you know this, as sad as it may be. I love you and I always will. This is not a question of love, but of how long I will allow you to continue to hurt me needlessly. So many things go through my mind. I wish you would get help for your problem. There is no shame in mental illness. You have to trust that your doctors have seen everything before. Please don't be ashamed. Don't be discouraged. All I'm asking is for you to give me a little hope -by hope I mean that hope someday we can be at peace. That your illness will be under control, that we can live in harmony without all the little voices in your head making you crazy. As much as you have hurt me, I have never left. I hope the poem I wrote you helped you understand why. Mental illness is not your fault-it runs in your family. Remember how much your mother used to hurt you with her words? Remember all the times you tried to get away from her? You have told me the stories of the way she abused you and your siblings. Is that how you want to be? I am telling you - you are hurting me. Your disease is hurting me! You see it every day. You spend every evening apologizing, but spending every day in a maniacal rage. This is not how life is supposed to be, but you don't know any other way. Violence has been a way of life for you and this is why I am still with you, still loving you, still trying to show you a better way, and still trying to love your hurt away. However, at what point do I have to just let you go? You quit the psychiatrist for no reason why? Why don't you love me enough to get some help to stop hurting me? Would you rather be alone? Would you rather have me leave? If that is the case, then I really must go, no matter how much I want to stay. I love you and I always will, but I have to love myself too. Please - get some help. Help us to stay in love and stay together forever. I'm begging you. Love, Your loyal and devoted wife