“To My Darling Ex, It has now been four months since you completely broke my heart. Not a day goes…”

To My Darling Ex, It has now been four months since you completely broke my heart. Not a day goes by I don’t think of you and wonder what you’re doing and do you think of me? I just wish I knew what I did so wrong? And how you can tell me you love me in the most romantic of ways, only to turn around and say you have zero feelings for me. I know the kids being full-on may not have helped, and I’m sorry if I appeared that way too, I’ve just never met a man that deserves so much love and respect in my life. Not once were you ever nasty, or talk down to me, or make me think you didn’t appreciate me or find me unattractive. This is something I have never experienced before. The way you would hold my face and stare into my eyes, you had me fooled big time, as I swear you can’t hide that much love that I saw in your eyes. You stared at me way too long for someone who didn’t care. I’m awake nearly every morning between 3:30 and 4:30 AM, whether it’s my body knowing you’re getting up at that time to start off your long day, only to go home on your own and have no one to tell you how your day was. I know you told me you like it that way, but how could you not miss what we had, I really thought we had something special, we could sit up for an hour and share stories about our past and not be afraid to be open and honest. Then fall asleep snuggled into each other with absolute adoration for one another. I miss your forehead kisses, your safe and warm hugs, running my fingers through your hair, and softly running my fingers on the side of your face that put you to sleep. I miss the laughs we shared, the amazing date night we shared, the child-free weekend we shared, and what seemed to be something that was long-term. I miss the sound of your voice, your amazing arms, running my hands over your scars, and cuddling into you and feeling so safe and protected. I’ve never felt so broken, lost, and incomplete ever before. All I wish for is a text, or a knock at the door, just to see you. It hurts so much. I realize you were going through a lot at the time, but what is so wrong that you couldn’t have shared it with me? You know I would’ve done anything to help you, even if it was just something to talk to you. When you invited me down to pick up my stuff I was so relieved and excited, just hoping you’d say you wanted to try again. Just at a slower pace, but the next morning I knew in my heart when you said goodbye that was the last time I would ever see you. That’s why I couldn’t say goodbye and you asked me if I’m OK and I burst into tears. A 2-hour drive home and I cried the entire way. I don’t think a night has gone by since the 10th of October that I haven’t cried myself to sleep, or shed a tear during the day, or secretly cried in the shower over you. The day before you dumped me I also found out my cancer is back and that’s a pretty scary thing to go through alone, even though you have a history and fear of hospitals it would’ve been nice to have you here to support me, it’s so hard dealing with that and work and the kids on my own. I just want you here as a shoulder to cry on, or given the height difference, a chest to snuggle into and cry on. I know I’m not the most attractive and certainly don’t have a model figure or perfect blonde hair like a gorgeous trophy girl you deserve, but I would’ve done anything to take the stress out of your life and give you the respect you deserve as a hard-working dedicated man. Guess I know now that will never be me. How can you go from staring into my eyes, with the moonlight streaming through the cabin blinds, gently running your fingers through my hair, and holding the side of my face and telling me you loved me to completely shut me out and not responding to anything has shattered me as a person. Yes, whatever people tell me to think of you, I think nothing but love, sadness, and heartbreak for you, and defend your name against them. My only wish is that you are OK, taking care of yourself, and are happy. I will always be here for you and forever and always, as no one else will ever be worthy of breaking my walls down again and I could never love anyone as much as I love you. Thank you for showing me in such a brief time how a woman is supposed to be treated and for showing me the true meaning of love. I won’t ever forget you, despite trying to delete every trace of you. You still have my house key, and will always be here for you should you need me. Sincerely, The Short Fat Tattoo Girl Who Will Love You Forever