“To a woman I hurt, Hard to believe it’s been over 10 years since you reached out and many more…”

To a woman I hurt, Hard to believe it’s been over 10 years since you reached out and many more since I’ve seen you. I still think about you from time to time… how smart and beautiful you are, about all of our common interests. I think about when we were kids going out for Chinese or playing video games, mostly I think about what could have been. I wish the circumstances had been different. That I had put aside all the bad things happening in my life. I wish I had gathered some courage and self-worth and taken you up on your offer or at least handled the situation better. Instead I ignored you. I hope I didn’t hurt you. I wanted little more than to go out with you, believe it or not. The truth is all the loss, sickness, and abuse took its toll. I didn’t think I was good enough for you. I didn’t want to drag you down either. My life was falling apart, on the cusp of losing my job, cutting my father out of my life, and my house being sold, with nowhere to go. I was barely hanging on, and a year later it fell apart, I fell apart, and I kept it to myself. It took many years to heal. I wonder if you would have helped me keep it together, or maybe I would have ruined you. I noticed you married. I was surprised as I heard you were leaving him. Regardless, I wish you well. —Your old friend