“To The Baby I Never Met, I wanted to be your mother. I was so excited when the doctor told me I…”

To The Baby I Never Met, I wanted to be your mother. I was so excited when the doctor told me I was pregnant. I already had two daughters and was excited to have a third baby. You were due on Mother’s Day in 2003. I counted the weeks of pregnancy, ticking off each day like one step closer to a dream. There’s so much to plan with any new baby, but we have a small house and it’s very full. I know I could make room for one more little one. I knew something was wrong on Halloween 2002. A small red clot sunk in the toilet. I tried to remain calm but my mind couldn’t rest. I drove myself to the hospital. After several hours in the ER, I was told I’d had a miscarriage. There was no emotion in the doctor’s voice and perhaps that helped me at the time. As soon as he left the room, I cried and called my mother. I left the hospital and went to my OBGYN. When he gave me the same news, we cried together. The day had so much going on. Families planning to trick-or-treat, our bathroom was being renovated, and my best friend was leaving the state. Life was busy, but in all the chaos I feel like you were forgotten. You were the baby I never met. I wanted to hold you. Count your toes. Kiss your cheek. I would have given you a wonderful name. you would be 13 years old now and probably a typical teenager. You’d have two older sisters ages 16 and 18. But because you didn’t arrive, please know I still love you. I know every baby - no matter how small - has a soul. My world didn’t let you come, but you are in my heart and mind for as long as I shall live. My thoughts ensure you will always be loved. You’re the one I wanted to hold but never did. And that makes me want to hold you when I, too, leave this earth. Till We Meet, Mom