“Dear Husband, What has happened to us? How did we get here? Things have changed so much between us.…”

Dear Husband, What has happened to us? How did we get here? Things have changed so much between us. When we met you said you were going to marry me even when I doubted it. You were all about me at that time. You made me feel beautiful. You made me feel loved. We had beautiful children together. You’re a great father to them. You were supportive and very involved with activities. They’re older now and it’s more of a “us time“ but it’s not. It’s YOU time and ME time. You spend a lot of time talking to your work friends through text or your Internet group friends. I sit on the couch and you on the chair. I tried to talk to you and you are so engulfed in your phone half the time you don’t answer. There are times you go to your “model room“ and act like you’re working on your models but when I walk in your texting on your phone. I don’t know if you are actually talking to guys from work or another woman because I don’t ask. I text a friend of mine on occasion but I’m trying to spend more time with you. You’re losing me and you don’t seem to notice or care. I feel like we are roommates and not married. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but now I don’t know if that will happen. You stopped paying attention to me. You stopped wanting to do things with me. You drink every night and it’s affecting our marriage. Yes, you don’t drink to get drunk but it’s affecting our sex life. You don’t come near me sexually. You can’t participate in sex and I don’t know if it’s because of your drinking or because you’re no longer attracted to me. It kills me to want to touch you and I don’t because I don’t know how things will play out. I don’t want to feel rejected or ugly again I don’t wanna cry myself to sleep again or make you feel bad about yourself. We’ve had a drinking conversation numerous times throughout our marriage but it goes in one ear and out the other. It’s slowed down long enough this last time for the doctor to say it’s not a factor in your “issue“ but I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell him the extent of your drinking. You’re choosing alcohol over your marriage. That’s more important than listening to or talking to your wife. But what you don’t realize is that I have someone who listens and talks to me. I met him almost 3 years ago. I never expected this to happen. He came out of nowhere. It was a very professional relationship at first. I had a good friendship with him. But after talking to him for so long things changed. He understood what I was feeling. He made me feel beautiful and smart and like I mattered. We liked the same things. We lived similar lives. We’re connected somehow. I fell in love with him. I talk to him every day. We text good morning to each other every single day. He makes me feel the way you used to make me feel. He tells me that he loves me and he wants to talk to me. What happened to us? How did we get so disconnected and distant? Is this the end of us? I feel like it is. We’ve grown apart. I love you so much because you are the father of my children but am I in love with you? I don’t know anymore. The more I beg you to make me and us a priority and you don’t listen, the more I feel our marriage is close to ending in a divorce. If things don’t change I will file for divorce because I want to be happy. Love, Your Wife of 19 Years