“EX LOVER, BEFORE YOU LEFT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD YOU HAD TOLD ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT…”

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EX LOVER, BEFORE YOU LEFT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD YOU HAD TOLD ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT YOUR ARMS WOULD BE OPEN FOR ME WHEN I WAS READY. AND THAT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH STRESS AND ANXIETY. IT WAS MY LIGHT. IT WAS THE BIGGEST REASON I WORKED SO HARD TO HEAL MYSELF AND GET HEALTHY AGAIN SO WE COULD COME BACK TOGETHER. I WANTED TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN TO LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. MY BEHAVIOR WASN'T ABOUT HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU, IT REFLECTED HOW I FELT ABOUT MYSELF AND IM TERRIBLY SORRY THAT I HURT YOU. I DIDN'T DO IT INTENTIONALLY OR TO PUSH YOU AWAY. I NEVER LET YOU GO, IF I WANTED TO MOVE ON I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. BECAUSE I RESPECT AND LOVE YOU. WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY YOU JUST WALKED AWAY FROM ME WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME HOW I FELT. YOU JUST TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE. DO YOU THINK THAT WAS OK? I CAN ONLY GUESS THAT YOU HOLD TOO MUCH RESENTMENT TOWARDS ME THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. YOU TREAT ME LIKE AN ANNOYANCE AND A STRANGER NOW. AND THAT REALLY HURTS. YOU CAN FEEL THAT WAY IF YOU WANT BUT IT'S EXACTLY HOW YOU FEARED I FELT ABOUT YOU. AND THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT YOU'RE DOING IT INTENTIONALLY, YOU DECIDED EVERYTHING IN YOUR OWN MIND WITHOUT TALKING TO ME ABOUT HOW I REALLY FELT. YOU BECAME THE PERSON THAT YOU FEARED I WAS. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO OPENED UP AND MADE MYSELF VULNERABLE AND EXPRESSED MY HEART FULLY. YOU NEVER REALLY EXPRESSED YOURSELF AND MADE YOURSELF VULNERABLE. I MADE THE SACRIFICE FOR BOTH OF US. BUT I SEE NOW THAT YOU DON'T LOVE ME ENOUGH TO DO THE WORK OR HEAL WHAT WE HAD. IT'S NOT THE PERSON I REMEMBER. DID YOU REALIZE I WAS GOING THROUGH THE SAME FEELINGS OF SEPARATION AND LONELINESS AS YOU? I CAN ONLY GUESS YOU FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE YOU DON'T EXPRESS YOURSELF YOU'RE EITHER TOO AFRAID OR DON'T KNOW HOW. I'VE FACED MYSELF AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAPPENED, I CAN'T HATE MYSELF FOR BEING DEPRESSED, IVE ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH BUT I CAN ADMIT HOW IT WAS AFFECTING ME AND THE OTHERS AROUND ME. YOU TOOK THAT PERSONALLY WHEN I NEEDED SUPPORT AND HELP BY THE ONES THAT LOVED ME. UNFORTUNATELY, NO ONE TRIED TO HELP ME BESIDES MYSELF, AND THAT'S OK, I MANAGED TO PULL MYSELF UP. IM NOT MAD AT ANYONE FOR GIVING UP ON ME, I LOST FRIENDS, FAMILY TIES, AND COUNTLESS OPPORTUNITIES. IF PEOPLE WANT TO MAKE IT ABOUT THEM WHEN I WAS THE ONE SUFFERING, WELL I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. I CAN ONLY MOVE FORWARD AND TRY TO PICK UP THE PIECES. I THINK YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE GIVING UP SO EASILY, RELATIONSHIPS GET STRONGER AND MORE SPECIAL BY GETTING THROUGH THE CHALLENGES OF LIFE TOGETHER. THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT A PARTNER, BUT IF YOU THINK THAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE ONLY EASY AND YOU NEVER HAVE TO FACE CHALLENGES OR DO THE WORK THEN THEY'LL NEVER GROW. ONE OF THE LESSONS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY DAD, WAS TO FIGHT TO KEEP MY RELATIONSHIP, HE GAVE UP TOO EASILY ON HIS FAMILY AND IT COST SO MUCH TRAUMA. I FOUGHT FOR US WITH ALL MY HEART, I TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD TO SAVE US. AND AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE REGRETS FOR NOT TRYING. YOU'RE MOM GAVE UP ON YOUR FAMILY TOO BECAUSE IT WAS TOO MUCH WORK. WELL, YOU DIDN'T FIGHT FOR ME BUT I HOPE YOU DO FOR YOUR NEXT PARTNER.

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