“To An Ex-Boyfriend, Even though it has been more than a decade since we broke up, I still think…”

To An Ex-Boyfriend, Even though it has been more than a decade since we broke up, I still think about you and how awful everything turned out between us. We were very young and for a long time we were very happy and did everything together, but when I started feeling more and more like the adult in the relationship, it got difficult for me. I tried to communicate, but probably did a terrible job. Then I acted out so much, going out a lot. I can't even remember how it all started if it was before or after the sexual assault at your friend's party. I just couldn't handle life and then everyone was so awful to me, but you stood by me and I still broke up with you. I still don't know if that was the right thing to do. I regret hurting you so much, it's because of how fucked up l am. It's no excuse, I was just in a wild amount of pain and I sure didn't really know how to let someone love me or believe it's real. I just pushed everyone away. I hope you found the happiness you deserve, and that you are loved and supported the way you should be. I wish you could know how sorry l am, but I'm aware of how selfish that is. I struggled so much with what I was feeling at the time and how to talk to you because I'm not good at boundaries or expressing my own negative emotions, especially when those feelings will hurt someone else, so I made a difficult situation worse. I was immature. You were enough and so worthy, I'm just broken. I'm so sorry.